I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
