I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
