I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
