Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
