rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
