Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
