why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
