HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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