i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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