Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
