I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
