I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
