My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
