True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
