I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
