how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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