i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
