last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
