I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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