I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
