i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
