areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
