I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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