He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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