Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
