That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
