Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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