so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
