I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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