What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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