Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
