I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Congratulations! We have a period
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
