my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
