how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
