Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
