party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bring money and cleavage
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
