omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Couch. On fire.
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