Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
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