It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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