i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
