how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
