I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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