i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
