I want to stick my p in your. b.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
