So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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