I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
