Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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