There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
