you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
