she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
