East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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