I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the day after is always just damage control
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
