Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
