It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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