I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
