you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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