Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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