Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
