I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
