I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
