I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
