no, he came in my armpit
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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