Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
