It's just like the Real World with babies
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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