but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize