In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
