i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need water and some morals
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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