How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drunk is not a location!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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