Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
