Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
