this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Randomize
