I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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