I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Green mimosas i think yes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
