I want to stick my p in your. b.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
