So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
